Musing over Nigeria and its barrage of ‘Jokes’

Arise O compatriots, Nigeria’s call obey, To serve our fatherland, With Love and Strength and Faith, The labour of our heroes past, Shall never be in vain… The above lines contain lyrics of the national anthem we all grew up chanting almost every day of our lives, even when it has no comprehensive meaning to us as toddlers. Nonetheless, its continuous rendition sustains the hope that, ultimately, we’ll appreciate the words, phrases, and clauses therein – which would translate to actions at some point. In fairness to them, our eternal heroes like Nnamdi Azikwe, Tafawa Balewa, Ahmadu Bello, Obafemi Awolowo, Ladoke Akintola – amongst many others – all laboured, hoping and thinking of bequeathing the Nigerian project to a better-prepared generation. But unfortunately,  their noble dreams were subjected to jeopardy through steady deterioration of trust, dearth of patriotism, deficit of mutual love, insolvency of moral integrity, excessive greed for power, lack of sincerity, carefree spendthrift, fallen standards of formal education, and dilapidated social infrastructures, just to pin-point but a few. The pragmatism and doggedness of our heroes past have all but given way to a contemporary Nigeria that is fast becoming a ‘joke’ to her peers in the comity of nations. Hardly can one review any public action in the country without the possibilities of extracting some shameful humour from it. Nothing sums up the profoundness of Nigeria’s comical ridicule than her penchant to keep retreating into the past when it comes to laying claim to greatness. Surely, the future seems ambiguous, based on a not-so-assuring present. For where lies the hope of a country that prides herself as ‘Godly,’ when religious leaders invent churches and mosques for money-making ventures? This is a society where seeing so-called religious leaders on pages of newspapers accused of perpetrating heinous crimes like ritual killing, fraud, rape, armed robbery, embezzlement etc have all become a daily occurrence. What does one call a joke if not the inability of devotees and worshippers to send their wards to church-owned universities due to exorbitant – often outrageous – tuition fees, although such tertiary institutions are basically products of offerings and tithes from such poor individuals? Where would the help of the poor come from when the country they call theirs could allow public universities’ lecturers go on strike for 6 months because of legitimate demands for proper funding and improved working conditions? Nigeria is a country where the essence of being a graduate is not to be gainfully employed; a clime where one must travel to the village before passing O’level exams. A commune where graduates of Medicine, and/or Engineering result to ‘bulk-tellering’ in commercial banks because that seems the only available opportunity to earn money. An environment where formal schooling isn’t necessarily a criterion for appearing in NYSC uniform – only if you know your way! After all, it may not be so perplexing to see first class graduates who struggle to write down the national anthem or express him or herself in two correct, simple, sentences! Aren’t we all losing counts of Okada riders who are proud to declare that they are university graduates? Imagine this; can the situation get worse than for these Okada riders to constantly romance frequent apprehension of fuel hike by government without appreciable improvement in abracadabra occurrences of artificial fuel scarcity in town? We have deliberately made sure that our dear nation can’t boast of successfully managing one crude oil refinery, whereas some fellow compatriots are so buoyant, enough, to float theirs single-handedly if given the privilege. It leaves bad taste in one’s mouth when over 60, 000 graduates intend to write an aptitude test inside a stadium, leading to unnecessary stampede and unwarranted death of many. As if that was the steroid needed to ginger action, the federal government decides to ‘compensate’ families of the deceased with ’3 automatic job slots’ per death! Age falsification is the trend of the day for one to get a job or stay longer in service as civil servants fear retirement for it represents sheer suffering. And for the lucky ones who are ‘blessed’ with a manageable job, the joke continues. Tax is deducted heavily from salaries – regularly – while no one is answerable for dry water pipes which now host spiders; electricity is forever epileptic; security is placed in the hands of God; basic healthcare is virtually non-existent as medical doctors and nurses go on strike for months, even when they have patients dying every hour on sick bed. Is it that some of our leaders live with dead conscience? Why would political top-notchers keep embarking on incessant ‘medical tourism’ abroad – to treat Malaria – while local hospitals remain under-developed and under-funded? And so, helpless masses live at the mercy of quack pharmacists, doctors, and roadside Mallams for drug prescriptions. New born babies are delivered in hospitals under the lightening of candle in the absence of neither electricity nor fuel to power generators. Can anyone probe further why electricity supplying firms have many of their offices powered by generators and police stations are sometimes kept safe at night by civilian vigilantes? Didn’t we all exclaim with mixture of laughter and angst when – in January 2013 – the mortifying ‘joke’ of the country’s Police Training College in Lagos – with no computers, mattresses, toilets etc – was exposed for the whole world to enjoy? At the moment, there is a National Conference going on in Abuja where each delegate gets N4million monthly in allowances. What a joke again! At least, Nigerians are hoping that the confab will prescribe effective antidotes to cure the monstrous Boko Haram sect and many other socio-political upheavals in the country. To whom ‘N12million’ is given… By the way, a state governor in this country once dressed like a woman – to evade justice for money-laundering – outside the country, only for him to get ‘State pardon’ after hibernating in jail for few months; whereas many are rotting away in prisons for stealing a bunch of banana! Please, a visit to the over-congested prisons in Nigeria will answer more of this. A fellow once reckoned that Nigeria is – who knows – the only country where a politician wins an election while in prison! Isn’t that a joke funny enough? What are we ‘smoking’ in the country – apology to Liverpool fc principal owner, John Henry – where $20billion is missing for months and we seem confused about our next line of direction; no one to account for it. No wonder, soldiers who have served the country diligently now end up being gatemen after retirement. In the meantime, this is a call for reasoning and possible repentance – To Whom It May Concern. The level of impunity and arbitrariness of political stakeholders, especially those in power, has continue to make the country a laughing stock to other developing countries looking up to her for leadership. Nigeria is abundantly blessed with resources, both human and materials, thus there can be no acceptable excuse(s) for our bad roads when there are contractual documents that show such routes have been tarred more than once. All that matters to Nigerians, primarily those at the lower ebb of the societal echelon, is access to basic necessities of life which nature has deposited in this Land flowing with milk and honey.